Thursday, 24 July 2008

"In my world everyone is a pony, and they all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies"

Sitting on the train home yesterday was interesting. I jetted home form work with the intention of making the cinema near my house. This meant the 7.26 from Charring cross. I usually avoid travelling at this time, it's no good for my blood pressure. Standard issue, train was filled but I managed to scope out a seat before it became full cattle class. One seat was free across from me on the next aisle to my left. An older guy fell into it huffing and puffing. He clutched a McDonalds bag.
It was a hot day, and even though the windows were open any kind of food stuff was going to make it's way into other peoples nostrils. There were a lot of disapproving looks thrown at him but his food focus bounced them back, he was impenetrable. People winced, looked imploringly at one another, went to open the already open windows. I was captivated. First out the bag was a double cheeseburger, at this point with nothing but a cheese salad baguette to eat in the afternoon I have to admit it looked pretty good. He took it to pieces, quick work. Breathing through his nose and barely chewing, the thing was gone I would say in under a minute. Thinking he was done I looked out of the window but then noticing action in my peripheral vision I glanced back at him. The fries were next and they were being thrown at his mouth vigorously.
The fries received a minutes attention too, the same nose breathing, wolf then swallow technique employed. That had to be it I thought, eating food from the arches on public transport at that time of night requires some audacity and I thought the reason he was eating so hurriedly was to be done with it and out of everyones hair. The nuggets pulled shortly after from that paper Mary Poppins bag quashed that theory. He lavished the same attention on them, three chews each and then down the gullet after a generous barbecue sauce dippage. Intermittently he'd slurp from a large cup. This doesn't really sound too deplorable thus far, "guy eats cheeseburger meal plus nuggets on 7.26". This is nothing like the headline about Batman I brought you yesterday. The chicken sandwich followed the nuggets and he showed no signs of slowing, it was demolished just as eagerly. Throughout (what was obviously for others around him an ordeal) I couldn't look away.
The man commenced his feast as the train was about to leave Charring cross, the burgers, fries and nuggets mentioned were gone by the time we pulled out of London bridge. Feeding time was far more entertaining than the free papers littering my every move, thrust at me at every turn. Chicken burger dealt with he pulled out the piece de resistance. What was dessert to be? Only a double decker meat cake, a Big Mac was to be the ender, the after dark hammer. I watched him take his last bite and add to the rubbish in that large paper bag with another carton. As he started dealing with the fanta I sensed the show was over, whacked on my pod and drifted off. Felt I had to share that well balanced nutrition piece with you.
i'd intended to see wall-e but ended up watching Horton Hears A Who. I loved Dr Seuss as a kid. Horton's voice is done by Jim Carrey and the mayor is done by Steve Carell. It's thoroughly entertaining. That's where today's headline comes from, it's not inspired by my train experience. With that much Mcfood in the large intestine I don't think there would have been any butterflies in that mans outhouse. Give Horton a chance, it's a good story..

Off to skate in some good weather. " so let that be a lesson to one and all; a person is a person no matter how small."

1 comment:

Will said...

Jake, this is quality writing, keep it up!